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No matter what kind of adoption you choose, there are some common elements. Usually, when someone says they are adopting, people say, "Who?". But anymore, most people who choose to adopt go through the paperwork first, finding the child or children second. There is a perception that the only reason someone would adopt is if they could not have kids, or if they knew a child and wanted them. Yet most couples and singles who do adopt feel the desire to help a child before they find the specific child.

The first step in the adoption process is usually one of choosing the route. You need to choose the agency which you will go through, and you need to choose whether you want to be a foster parent also or just adopt.

The agency you choose will play a huge part in the requirements you are going to have to meet. Many do not deal with people older than 35 or 40, with health problems or special needs themselves, with financial limitations or larger family sizes. Others will offer the most flexible standards possible. The state you live in also determines some requirements, and some states are easier to adopt in than others. The only way to find out exact requirements, and to find an agency that will work with you is to make phone calls and do a lot of investigating and ask questions.

Different agencies and options work best for different families. My sister adopted internationally, because in the state she lives in, and with the agencies available to her, that was the least expensive way for her to adopt. She had four boys, and adopted two little girls from Haiti. Her family is now multi-racial, and not yet finished. She is saving up for the next adoption.

We decided to adopt domestically, but from special needs children. This is the least expensive option for us, because financial assistance is available here for that type of adoption. Also, there are two agencies we can work with here that have more flexible income and home size guidelines. That was a must for us. We have seven kids, and are beginning the adoption process.

At this point, people also make the choice of whether they will do an international adoption, domestic infant adoption, or domestic special needs adoption. Here are the differences:

1. International Adoptions can be less expensive for some people, more expensive for others. People who adopt internationally do so because they either want to help kids who cannot be helped in their own country, or they want healthy infants which they cannot get in the US. You need to understand the definitions of Special Needs, and about Attachment issues if you go this route, because newborns are almost never available, and the international adoption process is usually a lengthy one, so even if you choose a healthy infant, you may still have health and bonding issues by the time you get the child. This is still a good option for people who do not qualify for domestic adoptions or who desire to help children of other nationalities. When you deal with an international adoption though, you need to meet Immigration and Naturalization Service requirements as well as the adoption standards though. Severely ill babies and children may not be brought into the US. That means if you adopt a child, and that child is discovered to have AIDS or other severe illness between the time your adoption is legalized and the time you remove them from the foreign country, you will not be allowed to take the child home. But you will still be legally responsible for the upkeep and financial support of the child. Expenses run in the thousands, sometimes tens of thousands per child. Also be aware that international adoption regulations are changing all the time, and generally are getting more and more difficult and expensive. Sometimes they can change in the middle of an adoption, requiring that paperwork processes be redone.

2. Domestic Infant adoptions. This is the most difficult adoption to qualify for. If you are not young, healthy, financially well off, and with a near perfect background, you won't qualify. Healthy US infants are in high demand, and low availability. Private adoptions are a possibility, but dependent on either large sums of money, or happening on the right situation at the right time. This is still a viable option for younger couples who are not able to have children naturally. Expenses run into the tens of thousands per child. Some lower cost adoptions are available for biracial children.

3. Special Needs Adoptions. You need to understand the meaning of Special Needs. This includes any child who has any significant medical, mental, or behavioral problems, AND, any child over the age of about one year who has had a bonding attachment broken in some states - in others, they can have significant emotional disturbances and still not be classed as special needs. Special Needs children may be completely medically healthy, but will always have attachment issues if they are over a year or two in age. Some states have financial assistance available for families who adopt special needs children. Foster Care stipends are paid between the time of placement and the time of adoption in some states, not in others. Requirements for the parents' health, financial status, and home size may be much more liberal than for other types of adoptions in some areas. Classifications for Special Needs are in constant flux, sometimes all children over a year in one state will be classed that way, while in another state nobody but the most severe are classed that way. International classifications for Special Needs tend to be different also, depending on the culture and the government.

Once you decide how you want to adopt, you need to file paperwork. Your agency will supply you with all the needed papers. It is a stack about an inch thick, very invasive, and highly detailed. You can expect it to take several months to file the paperwork.

Next you have a home study done. It costs around $600 or more in most areas for this, and your home will be observed, questioned, and examined. Again, this is very invasive. The home study is good for one year, after which you can have it renewed for about half the cost of a new one in most areas. The home study only needs to be active if you are in the intitial placement phase.

If you are approved, you may be required to take pre-adoption classes. These classes are often highly liberal in parenting approach (they seem to have a lot of ideas about why certain consequences won't be effective, but not much in the way of suggesting what TO do instead!), but can be helpful in explaining common adoption issues and preparing parents for potential problems.

Next, you get to choose the child! In the initial paperwork you were asked about what types of children you wanted. This can be as detailed as hair and eye color, but is mostly for the purpose of not placing a child with you that you know ahead of time you cannot deal with. It may sound cold to do it this way, but it helps to ensure that once a child is placed that they are not subject to another torn bond or destroyed hope.

Infant adoptions can happen very quickly, but usually the process involves visitations, or photos, and overnighters to test the waters. International adoptions of course do not follow this pattern in the same way, rather some of them complete the adoption paperwork before they even see the child.

With a domestic adoption, once a decision is made for placement, the child is moved into the home. After six months, the adoption can be finalized, but it often takes up to a year.

Time between filing paperwork and placement of a child can also be up to a year, but averages six months.

After placement, there is usually a "honeymoon" period during which everybody is on their best behavior. This breaks down over about three months, then the testing period sets in. The testing period can last one to six months, depending on the age of the child. What they are really saying is, "If I am THIS bad, will you send me back?" They want to make sure that when you say they belong, that they really do. Again, infant adoptions do not deal with these issues in quite the same way.

Adoption is a difficult process. Many people automatically assume they cannot do it for one reason or another. We encourage you to investigate if you have questions. No promises of miracles, but sometimes there are possibilities we did not know of, and the average person today really does not know the things about adoption that they think they do.

International adoption is in a state of constant flux, and it is getting harder and harder to adopt both internationally and domestically. This is sad, because it is the children who suffer most. Many countries are now closed, and many countries, including ours, have put restrictions in place that now limit adoption in many circumstances which have nothing to do with good parenting.

Adoption Costs

Costs can vary widely depending on who you adopt through, whether you adopt internationally or domestically, whether you adopt healthy infants or special needs children. Special needs adoptions are the lowest cost in almost any category. Special needs in the US are generally defined as any child with physical, mental, or emotional handicaps, as well as any child over the age of one or two years who has had an attachment broken. Special needs in other countries are more often defined as more definite physical, mental, or more severe emotional needs. This means that if you are looking for a "healthy" infant or child, the same category of child may be described as "healthy" by one country, and as "special needs" by another. Domestic infant adoptions are the most difficult to get. International infant adoptions mean that you may have the child reserved for you soon after birth, but may not get them until they are a year or more old. Waiting is the name of the international game. Special needs means you certainly will not be aware of all the problems the child has, but they are the children who need you most. Costs typically range from about $2500 for a subsidized special needs adoption in the US, to as much as $30,000 or more for certain international and for healthy US infants. On the plus side, it is usually less for additional children if you adopt more than one at a time.

Meeting the costs takes ingenuity, and determination. Some women start a business just for that purpose. Others go through the closets looking for liquidatable assets. Either way, a professional manner and skills can make you more successful in raising the money you need. Pinching the pennies can save you a little here and there.

I have known many families who were not well off, who chose to adopt because they wanted to help a child or two. I know that when you decide to do so, and commit your time and resources to bringing a child into your home permanently, miracles do happen.

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