Get Out of the Box! Creative and Practical Help for Moms who want to come home, or stay home. Sorry guys, we are not meaning to be sexist. We just figure we ought to teach what we know, and us women really don't know WHAT it feels like to be a Work at Home Dad. But if you are secure in your masculinity, we welcome you to use the information here as well! (smile please)

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I decided a month ago to create this website. I had an overwhelming desire to help women discover ways that they could come home and spend more time with their children. Since that day, I have been on a rollercoaster ride in my life. The decision to do this website came at a time of major change, so, following one of the critical rules of major changes, I did only one thing at a time, until the desire to just get this thing started before I lost my enthusiasm got the better of me.

First we moved the office back home. That took us three weeks to move everything home and then to begin the process of organization. One day I would be up, feeling so certain it was right, and that I would get the help I needed from the Lord to make it work. The next moment I would be overwhelmed and discouraged. I found myself on the doorstep of a friend one day saying, "Tell me I'm not crazy!" She put her hand on my shoulder, looked me straight in the eye and said, "You're not crazy...You're doing the right thing."

The decision to move the office back home was due to a choice to prepare to adopt some special needs children. No, we didn't know which ones, we just knew there were kids who needed families, and that we had the capacity to take care of a few more. Having seven already, and a VERY messy house, not to mention a problem with yelling, this choice would involve some extremely hard changes, including getting out of debt and remodeling our home, and getting our family organized so we would not just be adding chaos to chaos.

So today I began work for the second day on the website. I began it yesterday, forming my page template, installing the navigation links for the major categories, and roughing out the content for the pages. Mostly writing. This morning I went in to fill in those outlines with actual information. I tend to lose myself in writing when I am concentrating, and the kids know it. The last load of boxes had been brought from the former office just this morning, and I had promised the kids we would go for a picnic at the park when that was done. Kevin (my husband) was also buried in computer work, catching up on some of his political editorials. The kids were screaming and fighting, there were boxes everywhere except for narrow little trails between the rooms, chores were neglected, and Kevin and I were both cross.

Right in the middle of it I thought, "What am I doing trying to help other people? I have so much trouble at it myself!" I thought about that for a long time. And decided I needed to go ahead and try anyway. Because I do know things that will help people. And other people will contribute their insight to help me help moms. The job still needs doing, and I still feel I need to do it.

The fact is, I am not perfect at this. Not even close. Building my business has been a painfully slow process. I move forward and then lose ground. Move forward again, and lose ground again. Over a long time, I am moving forward more than back, and my business has made a real difference in my family. Here are some of the benefits:

1. It does provide a second income. The income is irregular, and sometimes seems insignificant. But it does help, especially during hard times. If I were more focussed and organized, it would be better.

2. It provides me, as a mother, with a positive and constructive creative outlet. I have always needed something to challenge my mind. Over the years I have studied history, learned painting, learned home improvement, cooking, food storage, herbal medicine, science, computer skills, and much more, much of it while bouncing a baby on my knee. The business has replaced most of my other hobbies, and with this, I have something to show for the effort. I would do something anyway, I might as well do something I enjoy that brings in a profit.

3. It provides lessons to the kids to supplement their homeschooling. I am able to assign them tasks that are very demanding in a way that chores usually are not, because a customer is depending on the task being correct. They learn from this the way that a job operates.

4. It provides me with adult interaction, and accomplishments I can feel good about. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids, I love being a mother, and if I had to choose between the business and my kids, there is no contest. But with kids you do so much that you never are acknowledged for. With a business, even a thankless one, there are tasks you do that you can see a result from, and customers and clients who appreciate you for doing it. That helps me keep my sanity and go back to the kids with a smile.

5. It has required me to become consistently more organized and reliable. That benefits our entire home.

This choice for raising a family is HARD. In fact, it is so much harder than working a job outside the home, for most women. But it is also so rewarding. I get to see my kids do things I would miss otherwise. I am there if they get hurt or have a need. I know my kids better, and love them more than if I were not around them so much. I can stop in the middle of a tough job, and go hug my kids, or read with them. I can go for a bike ride with them or for a picnic in the middle of the day. I can take the day off to go shopping, or to do something fun. I can schedule my work on and off during the day, around their times of least need. I could not do those things with a job outside the home.

It is more intense than the alternatives. But more intense just means higher highs and lower lows. Today we had a low. We have had so many highs. So many moments when everything goes just right!

Just after the scramble this morning, we packed up a picnic lunch, got on our bikes, and pedaled off to a small park that has just three picnic tables and a tree. We laughed over lunch, chased the potato chips that blew off the table, drank some Koolaid that someone had made too strong, and then gathered up the garbage and leftovers and went back home. We were out of the house a total of 35 minutes. After we got back, the kids each unpacked a couple of boxes, then got to go to the park, while I got the chance to work a little more - I know to make the most of such times. Nobody is fighting now, the work that most needed done is done, and things are peaceful until time to fix dinner! Good moments DO happen.

November 7, 2005

Three years later, with a leukemia diagnosis for one of my sons, and the loss of a daughter in between, I still feel it is worth it. I ended up virtually rebuilding my entire business again, cutting out all that did not fit into a more flexible lifestyle. I now focus on web design, and instructional writing. This site is just a small part of what I do.

I have learned a lot in the time in between the last writing and this. My income is now pretty good, and getting more predictable. But what I like best is the learning. I love being able to offer a new thing. I like working with clients and learning about them so I can meet their needs better.

Business gives me an intellectual outlet, which I desperately need. After my daughter died, I believe that my business saved my sanity. I'd have gone crazy with grief if I had not been able to keep my hands and mind busy. My clients have needed and appreciated me, and that has filled a little of the emptiness that was so hard to cope with, and still is some days.

So now I concentrate on getting my business stable enough to survive through any other crises life may throw at me. If I am able to have another baby or two, I expect to go right on working around them. Less, of course, but my income is now more and more from sources that can keep on earning even if I work an irregular schedule. When I take my son in for chemo, the business goes on. And that is just an awesome blessing. It has been a hard road getting here the second time, but very much worth it.

Hectic, yes. Discouraging, often. Good...Oh, yes.

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